


This Wasn't Where He Wanted To Be

by fromthedepthsofinsanity



Series: First Line - Homestuck Edition [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, Archiveofourown Exclusive, Christmas Gathering, Established Relationship, F/M, First Line Series, Humanstuck, Large Family Get Together, No Plot/Plotless, Original Character(s), Social Anxiety
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-14
Updated: 2016-01-14
Packaged: 2018-05-12 16:54:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5673481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fromthedepthsofinsanity/pseuds/fromthedepthsofinsanity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dirk and Dave are invited to spend Christmas with the very large Crocker-Egbert clan.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Wasn't Where He Wanted To Be

**Author's Note:**

> If you would like more details about the series and my ill-fitting title, please consult the series description. Thank you and enjoy!

This wasn’t where he wanted to be. He regretted saying yes to Jane. It had seemed like a great idea at the time. Going to Jane’s house for the holidays, actually spending physical time with his girlfriend over their shared winter break, bringing Dave along so he could hang with his best bro and Jane’s cousin, John, what wasn’t to like? 

Well, family for one thing. He and Dave had never been in a house filled to the brim with people of a shared genetic pool. It had only ever been Dave and Dirk. Well, that was only half true. Once upon a time, there was the womb they were incubated in called Mother. That was until she was fed up with them and disappeared. Christmases had been pretty much quiet, one-on-one affairs from then on. 

With Jane’s family, it was this huge  _ thing _ . Dirk couldn’t find proper words for it. Shocker. Like really. When was Dirk ever without an explanation or quip? 

But back to the original point. Another thing to not like were the gifts. Dirk and Dave were not by any means without some extra spending money, but Dirk couldn’t really justify spending money on people he never even met. Jane surely; probably John too, but only because he was giving Dave a loan to get him something. What made it worse was Jane had alluded to her Nanna’s, her dear, sweet, giving, loving, saintly, crazy Nanna, plan which revolved around buying Dirk and Dave presents to open with the rest of the Crocker-Egbert litter. 

They would already be subjected to intense scrutiny, being outside the family and whatever, but if he was reading her words correctly, they would be sat down and forced to open gifts and pretend they liked what they received to save face and play nice. Quite honestly, the whole arrangement was making Dirk feel like a stray. The stray Striders, they would be called. Look at how blonde and cool they are. 

Though, the Stray Striders would be a pretty kickass band name. 

Band names aside, there were a myriad of other equally terrifying, embarrassing, and totally justifying reasons Dirk could list as to why Christmas with Jane would be the death of him. He made a mental note to find better excuses for not doing things. Or better yet, practice telling Jane “no” and openly express his discomfort like a functioning, honest person. 

Ha! So funny! Like that would happen. Dirk Strider, functioning human? What a goddamn riot! No one can accuse him of not being a barrel of laughs! 

What he really needed was someone to laugh at him hard enough to shoo him right out of Nanna Crocker’s driveway and back to Houston. 

“So, uhh,” Dave looked at his brother still firmly planted in the driver’s seat, “We gonna get outta the car of what?” 

“I’m debating on the matter,” Dirk snipped, hands tightening and twisting on the wheel. 

“No complaining here, dude. It looks colder than a witch’s tit out there.” 

They spoke in unison. 

“Don’t ever say that again.” 

“I will never say that again.” 

Dave pulled out his phone to check the time; in that moment, he received a text, “John’s sent me a - Oh, two. Three… Now, four. Four texts,” He skimmed them all and drummed his fingers on the phone’s face, “I think they know we’re here. The jig is up.” 

“And here I was hoping to revel in the cold slowly creeping in through the cracks. Maybe acclimate myself to this frigid fucking weather and freeze to death in my seat.” 

“Wow, dark,” Dave unbuckled his seatbelt, “Well, you do that. I’ll go hang out with John and tell his hot cousin that her boyfriend is a popsicle.” 

He opened the car door, having to strain against and force it through the barrier of snow shoveled along the side of the driveway, and hopped out. All heat the car provided rushed out after him in a hurry. 

“She has a name, Dave!” Dirk called after him and earned a slammed door in his face. 

After a moment’s fighting through the knee-high snow and narrow spacing between cars, Dave managed to get behind Dirk’s and knocked on the trunk. Dirk pulled the lever releasing the lock. Another slam, and Dave was making his way up the kindly shoveled path to the door, two measly gifts under his arm. 

There was no turning back now, Dirk supposed. Really, it was only one evening, and then it would all be behind him, good or ill. Jane would be there for backup even if Dave was not. Hopefully, he didn’t make himself out to be a bigger ass than he normally was. 

Dirk sighed, gave his wheel one last comforting squeeze, and followed his brother out. He barely got out of the car when his first bad omen presented itself under his feet. Though freshly salted, ice persisted and nearly robbed Dirk of his balance. His hands flew out on instinct and blessedly caught on the door before his ass met unforgiving pavement and frost. How the hell did people even live in the cold? It was death in the form of a peaceful Winter facade. 

He carefully righted himself, shut and locked the door behind him, and looked up to the porch where Dave stood gently kicking the step to knock the compressed snow out of the grooves of his shoe. He wasn’t there long; a blue blur shot from the house with a resounding bang as the porch door smacked into the wall behind it, and Dave was on his back in the snow, pinning and bound, as it was, in the forced embrace of a friend. Presents flew into the air and landed with little grace into the endless white. 

“Dave! Holy shit, dude! You’re actually here!” 

“Hey, bro. Wassup?” 

“Merry Christmas!!” John chirped, “I’m glad you made it!” John hopped to his feet and smiled brightly, completely immune to the cold snow soaking his shirt and sneaked in where it could to rub up against bare skin. 

“Think I wouldn’t?” Dave, definitely the opposite of resistant, managed to keep his voice level, as always.  

“The roads are pretty rough,” John grabbed Dave’s hand and hauled him up to his feet, “And we were worried you got lost too. Jane said your bro insisted on driving all the way up here instead of just taking a plane like a sensible person. I hope he’s ready for the onslaught, by the way.” 

“He’s always ready for anything,” Dave side-glanced at Dirk as he collected the packages. 

“I don’t think even your bro can handle Nanna. She’s kinda,” John’s face scrunched a little as he fought down a wide grin. He surely lost and beamed, “You know what? Nevermind.” 

“So, what, are we gonna get a pie to the face when we walk through the door or something?” 

“No!” John laughed, “But I should run that by Nanna! Maybe next year!” 

“Don’t just gank my ideas like that.” 

“We’ll give you credit!” 

Dirk casually placed John’s gift into his arms as he passed them by. He heard just the tones of John’s exclamation, but didn’t take any effort to decipher the words. He was much too focused on the door ahead of him. He knocked his shoes on the concrete step as Dave had done, hoped to whomever was listening that he wasn’t tackled as Dave had been, and headed inside. 

While not tackled, he was definitely assaulted. Dirk didn’t know exactly what he was expecting, but Nanna’s home in its current state was not it. He stood in a short hallway that fed into what he guessed was the living room and a veritable mountain of gifts. To his left, a spacious dining room decorated in silver and blue and looking like a picture from a magazine. Glasses sparkled, plates gleamed, silverware shined, cloth edges of napkins rested pressed and crisp, everything was neat, organized, and looking as proper and presentable as possible. Even the snowmen and snowwomen that stared at him through button eyes seemed to be aesthetically placed; whether they sat skewed or straight, they were where they were supposed to be. 

Dirk was suddenly very afraid of moving. Should he accidently move anything even an inch, he felt that a tempest worthy of a fantasy epic would descend upon him. So he took to standing completely still; not even Dave and John moved him as they finally joined him inside and passed him by. 

The conversations Dirk could hear suddenly grew louder upon John and Dave’s arrival. There was a laugh, a woman’s if he was hearing right, and goosepimples dotted his skin. Everything was so close to him, so bright, and so warm. It was real and within arm’s reach. But he was without anchor and felt like the wine stain on a brand new, white dress, and so, Dirk didn’t follow Dave in further. 

“Oh, there you are!” 

Jane suddenly appeared, and he felt every bit of anxiety leave him. She looked as much a picture as the rest. A bit of silver snowflake jewelry dangling from her ears, skin-tight black leggings covering her olive-skin from hip to ankle, and a cerulean blue, cowl-neck sweater dress hugging her generous, prominent curves, accenting and complementing, drawing the eye and making one appreciate every bit of beauty she oozed- 

“I was worried you’d turned around and went back to the car,” Jane tittered, moving closer. Her hands worked at the buttons of his coat, “Dave said you were ‘zombie-ing the fuck out again.’ I hope that means you’re comfortable?” She looked at his face to try to decipher his emotions. She couldn’t, “I thought I should give you proper warning and introduction myself.” 

“Warning?” 

“Yes,” Jane confirmed, “My relatives can be hard to handle. It’s best to know how to brush some of them off. Others can be meddlesome.”

“Meddlesome,” Dirk repeated, not liking the word at all. 

Jane whispered, “My Nanna is the main culprit, but she’s already fallen in love with you, so she might be easy to manage.” 

“Don’t blame her. It’s the Strider Swag. Doesn’t make her meddlesome.” 

A smile and a giggle floated in the air between them, “You’ll understand soon. She’s already adopted Dave. All he did was give her a wave, and he had her heart. But there’s more than just my Nanna. I’ll point and tell. It’s only fair.” 

She gently coaxed his coat from his shoulders, threaded her fingers with his, and lead him out of the hallway. 

Up close, the mountain of gifts was more like a mountain range. A spectrum of wrapping papers made up the peaks and valleys that coursed the perimeter of the room. More snowmen and snowwomen waited for him, judging his worth, and blended in with more sparkling silver and calming blues. The background conversation quieted somewhat as he made himself known, but no one stopped what they were doing completely to greet him. 

“I’m not sure where I should start,” Jane mused, gazing around at the faces scattered here and there in the kitchen near them. 

“Is that Harley?” 

“Oh, yes!” Jane turned. Jade, John, and Dave sat squished together on a loveseat and chattered happily away, “She’s John’s sister.” 

“What? Isn’t she Jake’s cousin?” 

“That’s right.” 

“So, are you and Jake related?” 

“No. John’s mother and Jade’s father married about seven months ago. When John and Jade got together for a play-date of sorts, their parents bonded over mutual divorce woes, started dating, and eventually married. So begins the Egbert-Harley clan.” 

Dirk nodded, “And the little dude?” 

“Oh,” Jane glanced over to the smaller boy sitting unhappily between John and the loveseat’s armrest. He looked about ready to spit venom and blow up. Jane moved the slightest bit closer to him to lower her whisper, “That’s Karkat.”

“Karkat,” Dirk let the name roll around on his tongue.

“He’s very sensitive,” She warned gently, “His father passed away about six weeks ago. He doesn’t have any other family, so he’s been staying with John and Jade. I’m sure he has a sweet streak in him, but he’s in a very angry and hurt place right now. Don’t let anything he says upset you.” 

“I’ll keep that in mind.” 

So it went in this fashion: Jane nodding in someone’s direction and whispering their name and maybe a tidbit or two about them. Most had a particular quirk, others, a warning. Sixteen people in total stood near them and never approached. Dirk suspected it was Jane’s conversation with him only that saved him from being bombarded. 

He thought that was the end when she looked around and concluded that there was no one left out of her quiet introductions, and he relaxed. At least, he did until she gave his hand a slight tug and pulled him from the living room out onto the sun porch. 

The house was larger than Dirk had anticipated; the sun room even more so. It stretched on forever and was as heavily decorated as the rest. Maybe even more so with the tall, wide tree looming at the very end like a jovial guardian, observing fondly and acting as a shrine to Christmases past. There was hardly a pop of prickly green to be seen behind the decades of handmade ornaments, miniature snowpeople, tiny pictures, and many, many candy canes. More of the Crocker clan congregated here; adults carried on conversations while children chased a toy train around the tree. 

Jane quickly went through their names, not really expecting Dirk to memorize everyone, but wanting to give him fair advantage. 

“I think that’s just about everyone. I’m sure there are others around, but I’ll let them introduce themselves if they want,” Jane concluded, “We’re still waiting on a couple.” 

“How can you  _ tell _ ?” 

To this, Jane soured, “It’s hard not to notice her,” She quickly changed the subject, “As soon as everyone’s here, we’ll open gifts. Nanna’ll probably call the little ones in soon. I don’t think we’re waiting for anymore children.” 

A pair, no more than five or six years old, ran past them, shrieking with laughter and nearly barreling them over. Dirk’s grip on Jane’s hand tightened. He didn’t know how she could stand it: all these people, all these names, the sheer amount of pressure to put up and maintain a good front. Dirk had never felt so pressed upon from all sides. The added looks of curiosity only served as a constant reminder of those around him and an ongoing tingle of anxiety. When was one of them going to be brave enough to come close, break through the bubble Jane had generously constructed for them, and probe him for information? He felt like a man tied to train tracks with the whistle growing ever closer. Wiggle all he might, the ropes only tightened. 

“I’m here!” A voice rang over the thrum of others, and Jane tensed beside him. 

Dirk had seen Jane sour before, but never as dark and sullen as she did now. There was a tremor from the rest. Some wore the same look Jane did briefly; most went right back to their conversations. 

He decided to ask, “You alright?” 

“I was,” Jane grumbled, then sighed, “Why don’t I introduce you to Nanna? I’m sure she’s dying to meet you.” 

Before he could answer, he was being pulled back into the living room and through the kitchen quickly. He was led down another short hall and into a small craft room. The first thing he noticed was just how quiet it was. Not the tiniest sound could be heard from the rest of the family just a wall away. Better yet, there were no eyes inspecting him and only one other person aside from Jane and himself. 

An elderly woman flitted between desserts lined up in front of her, touching on this one and that, perfecting the already perfect confections. Dirk softened at the sight and relaxed his grip on Jane’s hand. 

“Nanna?” She called.

The woman held up a hand to signal brief silence. Surprisingly deft fingers reached out and righted a toppled sugar tree. Tiny sugar presents were pushed back into place, and the cake was back to its pristine condition. Nodding with a smile, Nanna dusted her hands against themselves and turned toward them. 

“It’s about time you came to see me!” She approached, cupped Jane’s face in her hands, and kissed her forehead, “If I didn’t know better, I’d say you were avoiding me!” 

“Never, Nanna. Just showing Dirk around.” 

“Protecting him, more like it,” Nanna tittered as she looked him over, “The infamous Dirk Strider. My sweet Janey undersold you, Dear.” 

“Ma’am?” 

“Bah! Don’t you start with that ‘ma’am’ too! First Karkat, then that cutie Dave, now you! Call me Nanna, for heaven’s sake, and lean down some. They get taller and taller, I tell you.” 

Dirk heard Jane’s muffled giggle as he did as he was told and leaned down to Nanna Crocker’s level. She hugged him tightly and buried a kiss into his cheek. Awkwardly, he patted her back as he returned the embrace. 

“Welcome to the family, Dear.” 

“Thank you,” Dirk replied with a hint of question. 

Nanna pulled away, “So I hear Nora,” Jane didn’t reply, but had no need to do so. Her expression spoke volumes, “Avoiding her, are we?” 

There was no use lying, “If I can manage it.” 

“Everyone here then?” 

“I think so.” 

“Hmm, right. Janey, do me a favor and entertain for a moment while I finish up. I’ll be out in a minute.” 

Jane was slightly taken aback, but she didn’t question it. With a gentle twist, she made to lead Dirk back out into the fray, but was stopped by Nanna’s call. 

“No, no, leave him here,” Both looked to the matriarch in confusion, “You go on.” 

After a long moment’s hesitation, Jane reluctantly loosened her fingers and let his hand drop. She gave him a look, one he couldn’t quite decipher, as she slipped around the bend in the hall and disappeared. Dirk wasn’t sure if he felt more relieved that he was left with her Nanna instead of the entirety of her family or more anxious. 

Maybe it was some sort of initiation. Maybe that’s what Jane was trying to warn him of with that look. Maybe Nanna was just trying to make him so nervous that he ran off. She wouldn’t have to try very hard. 

“Janey’s just been singing your praises, you know,” Nanna said, breaking the silence, “I think you made her Christmas when you agreed to spend it with us.” 

“Not like I was doing anything else.” 

“She said as much. Not in those exact words, mind you. Just you and your little brother. Sounds lonely.” 

Dirk reflected for a second, a second maybe too long perhaps, but ultimately shook his head, “Nah, we keep each other entertained.” 

“Hoohoo, I bet. Two far-too-similar boys living under one roof. Pranks would be abound. I approve,” She continued, “I suppose it could be quite quiet at times as well. It was forever ago that I lived in a completely quiet home. I can only imagine now.” 

“No downtime, Misses Crocker?” 

“Nanna,” She instantly corrected, “And no. Not when you have three children, seven grandchildren, and a successful company to run. There’s not a day in the week you don’t see or hear from at least one child or have to solve some catastrophe.” 

“You don’t sound the least bit regretful.” 

“I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I was an only child. My late husband had the horrendously huge family, and when we married, we decided to try our hand at the same. It was noisy from the moment he introduced me to his parents,” Nanna looked far away suddenly, as if not standing amongst towering desserts in the middle of her craft room, “I thought I liked the quiet, but I was very lonesome. I didn’t realize it until I was until I was drowning in people.” 

She shook her head and cast off her daze, “But that was a long time ago and I think I’ve protected you long enough,” An eyebrow rose above his glasses at the statement. Protected him? Nanna Crocker instantly noticed, “From Nora.” 

Dirk wasn’t phased by the name. He stared quite blankly at her and waited for an explanation. 

“Hoohoo, she didn’t tell you?” Nanna seemed to be entirely too tickled, “I don’t blame her. Janey always did avoid unpleasantness. It’s just a bit of rivalry, Dear. Nothing really to worry about. My Nora always did like to be the center of attention, and she does like a good deal of drama,” She walked by him, intent on joining the others, “I don’t like my grandchildren squabbling, but it is good practice for Jane, dealing with the unruly. Come, now. Let’s get to opening gifts before there’s a riot.” 

There was indeed a riot the moment Nanna joined the fray. Young ones circled her, pulling at her sleeves and dress and squawking about the presents and waiting too long. She allowed them to pull her to the overstuffed armchair near the center of the room, sit, and beckon everyone to gather around. 

It was amazing to him that everyone actually fit in the room and found a place to sit. Anyone under seven found a seat on the floor and positively trembled with excitement. Dave, Jade, John, and Karkat hadn’t left their spot on the too-small loveseat, and the rest seemingly haphazardly sat where they fell. It left little wiggle room, but it worked. 

It also proved to be quite the obstacle course. Dave waved and pointed to the only spot left open (just for him no doubt) on the fireplace ledge between Jane and Nanna’s side table. Everyone watched as he tiptoed and hopped between spaces like a frog jumping lilypads until he could sink into place. Jane grabbed his hand, and he felt instantly better. 

 

It was more chaos than Dirk had ever experienced from that point on. Gifts were set in front of their respective recipients, and the wrapping paper flew like confetti. The youngers positively tore through every single thing that was set in front of them, roaring with excitement and happiness upon the reveal. More than once, a pair would hop up and rush off with ultimate prize in hand, only to be called back to open the rest of their horde. The youngest of all, a two-year-old, followed her elder cousins’ examples by ripping the paper apart, but was much more enthralled with the shining wrapping than the box and toy it hid. She tottered after each one the moment they ran off screaming in joy. 

The teens and adults were no less subdued. Though only John had a moment of absolute craziness (followed by Karkat’s loud demand of John shutting the hell up), outbursts were still common and welcome. Even Dirk and Dave, the seemingly reserved, found themselves nearly doubling over with laughter at the various hijinks and being surprised at both the amount of gifts set in their laps and the items the boxes contained. Clearly, John and Jane had been in charge of shopping for them. 

When all was said and done and the paper and boxes were cleaned up, mouths immediately began to water and all thoughts turned to food. Some didn’t want for the call and rose to head toward the kitchen where everything was laid out and waiting. 

“I have an announcement!” All eyes turned to the willowy brunette that hopped up from her seat, “After four years and six months of dating, this morning Eddy proposed! Isn’t that exciting?” 

There was silence for a heartbeat, but soon congratulations were being thrown about enthusiastically and more than a few hugs were given. Dirk looked to Jane, ready to ask who exactly the couple was, but the question nosedived off his lips to its untimely death. Jane looked more sour than ever and didn’t utter a word of praise at the declaration. To his right, he heard Nanna’s amused ‘hoohoohoo.’ 

“You alright?” He whispered. 

“Just swell,” responded Jane a little too quickly and offered him a strained smile. 

Though, she never did look straight at him. Her gaze was firmly planted on the announcer, and the announcer’s locked right back. 

 

In all the years Dirk had known Jane, he had never felt so much animosity pour off her like it did now. As he sat next to her at one of four tables, the very one he had first seen upon entering Nanna’s home, it nearly frightened him just how much dark rage was rolling off her in thick, black globs. No one seemed to notice, least of all the culprit of her foul mood, Nora. She sat uncomfortably close to the pair of them, chatting away about plans and excitement and how much better her life already was. Listening to her prattle on as she did, Dirk didn’t blame Jane in the least for being as incredibly irritated as she was. 

“So I wanted to ask you something else, Janey. It’s about my future bridesmaids.” 

“It’s a little early to be planning so intricately, don’t you think?” It was the first Jane had spoken since gifts were opened, and though her tone and demeanor were eerily calm, her aura thrummed with disapproval and annoyance. 

“It’s never too early!” Nora continued, ignorant (or maybe uncaring) of Jane’s emotions, “Eddy and I have the money now. I don’t want a long engagement. We’ve had a long relationship already.” 

“Time is relative, I suppose.” 

“He’s been hinting at proposing, so I’ve been planning for a while now. Little things, you know. But anyway, I was wondering if I could have your friend Roxy’s contact information.” 

Jane nearly dropped her fork, “Why?” 

“To be a bridesmaid, of course!” Nora laughed, “Haven’t you been listening? With the colors I’m planning on using, I think she’d look fantastic with the rest.” 

“Why not ask Feferi? She’d love to be in your wedding.” 

“But Feferi is just so  _ average _ .” 

Dirk felt the little hairs on his body stand on end. He wasn’t sure if he needed to tag in or keep his mouth closed. Jane wasn’t giving him any hints, and the rest of the family was obviously keeping their distance and enjoying their company. 

“She’s your cousin, and she loves weddings.” 

“There will be others,” Nora waved away the idea, “If it means that much to you, maybe you can make her one in yours? Assuming you get a proposal.” 

Dirk nearly choked on the bite he took. Next to him, he felt Jane bristle. 

“Not that there’s anything wrong with not marrying!” Nora seemingly backpedalled, “Marriage isn’t an indicator of worth, but I think it might be something you should strive for being Nanna’s heiress and all. You have an obligation bigger than your wants.” 

“Thankfully, my wants and the company’s needs very neatly coincide.”

She was ignored, and Nora’s attentions were directed toward Dirk, much to his displeasure, “We haven’t had a chance to talk, you and I. Janey’s been keeping you all to herself. Dirk, right?” 

Dirk stared at her, stared at her like one would a neighbor going ‘round and ‘round on a lawnmower. He wouldn’t grace her with words just yet, but he would take a keen interest in treating her like an boring exhibit. 

“With everything she’s been telling us, I would have thought you would be different.” 

A blonde eyebrow rose just enough to indicate he was in fact listening. 

“More social for one,” Nora said with a sigh, “Don’t be boring. Talk to me.” 

“He is not  _ boring _ ,” Jane hissed through gritted teeth, “Don’t badger him.” 

“Oh, shush. All I’m trying to say is that he needn’t be shy with us! With a little luck, he’ll be a permanent part of the family,” She giggled, “Though, I’m not sure permanent is the right word. Perhaps casual would be better,” Nora nodded after a moment’s thought, “Yes. You see, Jane makes an excellent friend, reliable, kind, but firm when the moment arises, but she doesn’t have a very good track record in love. One day, boyfriend. Next day, bro. It’s rather disheartening.” 

Before Jane could reply, Dirk spoke, “Where is Eddy?” 

“Oh!” Nora looked absolutely thrilled, “He spends Christmas with his family. I tried convincing him to come, but he wouldn’t have it. They were expecting him.” 

“Good for him. Christmas is probably the only day of the year he can take a break from you. I’d fight for it too.”

The entire house seemed to go silent at his statement, but Dirk couldn’t bring himself to care, a feeling he was glad to have back finally. Not all the eyes looking at him now nor Nora’s completely aghast face rattled his anxiety out of the burrow it’d made to sleep. Instead, he trembled inwardly, slowly prickling and growing quills sharp enough to tear through flesh, while his face maintained a steely mask. 

He opened his mouth to continue; the sick burns were already scolding his tongue, but they would have to fester forever as scorch marks in his throat. Jane abruptly rose from her seat, causing her chair to skip across the carpet like a stone across water, twirl on one leg in one final attempt to save its balance, and finally fall over with a muffled thud. She grabbed his wrist, avidly avoiding his hand, and led him to the entrance hallway where she retrieved their coats from the closet and shoved it on their bodies. 

The shock of cold, night air fanned away the heat he had felt. Distantly, he thought he heard laughter coming from inside, but that couldn’t possibly be right. They had left them all in a state of utter astonishment; quiet, awkward Dirk suddenly rearing up as the actual asshole he was would certainly scatter all fun and merriment the horrendously huge family was having. 

As his annoyance left him and logic came back, he was painfully aware of Jane’s frigid silence. It chilled him more than the biting breeze reddening his cheeks or the snow sneaking into his shoes. He hoped she was taking him into the woods to take him out Ol’ Yeller style. It would only be befitting. To lose his cool, in front of the family she wanted to share with him no less, was simply unacceptable in even the most lenient person’s book. 

He wanted to say something; anything would do, but nothing came to the forefront of his mind except her name. That wouldn’t suffice. An apology wouldn’t do much better. He would just have to wait until she spoke first, which didn’t seem likely anytime soon. Her boots resounded with determination as they crunched the snow underneath, and her hand was still firm on his wrist. He followed in the shallow trail she made along the buried sidewalk and only once looked back to the house they were leaving behind. Well, at least he left Dave in capable, loving hands. 

For five minutes they walked along. The snow became deeper and deeper until Jane struggled with it around her thighs. Graciously, it suddenly dipped away as another generously shoveled walkway parted the never-ending sea of white. To his surprise, she turned up it, taking larger steps to hop from stone to stone, and opened the door to the neighbor’s home. Dirk was confused, but dared not ask any questions. Once inside, Jane again helped him out of his coat.

Dirk was grateful for the warmth pressing down on him from all sides, but wondered again why they were here. (Though, he supposed it would be easier to take him out without the prying eyes of children and impressionable adults alike.) The house was dark save for one standing lamp in the living room, and no one seemed to be home. Unceremoniously, Jane tossed their heavy garments onto the couch and flicked on more lights. She stood in the middle of the room and sighed heavily. Dirk braced himself. 

“I’m glad the house finally heated up. This morning it seemed warmer to be outdoors than in,” She rubbed at her arms as she hugged herself loosely, “I wanted to show you this after dinner and clean-up, but best laid plans and all that nonsense,” She spun on her heels to face him with a smile playing on her ruby red lips, “So here we are.” 

He waited. He couldn’t really concentrate on what he was supposed to be seeing or why this house was so great. Jane was a ticking bomb. No one was this calm after so much irritation. 

“I’m not angry,” She said firmly. 

“You’re not angry,” Of course, he was sceptical. 

“No, I am not.” 

Skepticism be damned. He actually felt relieved.  

“Well, I’m not angry at you,” corrected Jane, “I should have warned you about her. I should have-” She sighed, “There’s a lot I should have done. Not gotten so upset for one.” 

She turned around again and took in the house. There were no decorations, no mountainous gifts, and no smells of both dinner and dessert. If anything, it all smelt of brand new furniture and faintly of paint. The quiet pressed down on him just as harshly as the noise had, but he felt more as a comforting blanket than a suffocating tent. He was confident enough to walk toward her and stop behind her just an arm’s length away. He took the opportunity to look around the room, feeling the peace and appreciating the lack of eyes. 

“Are you jealous of Nora, Jane? Did you want to be proposed to on Christmas?” 

“No!” Jane shouted quickly with horror dripping from her lips. Dirk was slightly taken aback by the outburst, as to was Jane. She collected herself and spoke more slowly, “No, I do not want and would not like that to be the case. Please don’t take this the wrong way, but don’t propose to me on Christmas, or at all,” Her eyes widened as realization set in. She stalled a bit as her mind stuttered in motion and surged forward without restraint, “That’s not what I meant! Propose all you want! I mean-! I meant, don’t feel pressured to propose! Unless you had something planned-! 

“No, no, no! I’m sorry if I ruined something! Not that I think something is going to happen!” Jane pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose and fussed with the way they sat on her face as she tried to collect herself. She forced her hands to drop away from her face, took a deep breath, and released it slowly, “I apologize. I flew off the handle quite a bit there.” 

“Pirouetted right off that motherfucker,” He was positively glowing with amusement now. 

“She just has me very flustered. Nora has that effect on everyone. I see her once a year, and it never fails; no matter how much I tell myself I will not allow it, she winds up under my skin, and I begrudge her until New Year’s Day.” 

“The life.” 

“Oh, yes, the greatest,” Jane giggled. 

After a moment’s pause and Jane’s fingering of the hem his shirt, she parted her lips to speak. The words didn’t come immediately, instead lingering on her tongue and scrambled about in search of partners to form sentences. Dirk waited patiently. 

“Can I make a confession?” She finally asked. 

“Sure.” 

“While it’s true that I really wanted to spend Christmas with you, and while it’s true that I wanted you to meet my family, I invited you along for more than just that.” 

“Don’t leave me hanging, Janey.” 

“I feel awful saying it, but I really wanted to rub it in Nora’s face how much cooler and sexier my boyfriend is compared to hers. Well, cooler and sexier than her  _ fiancee, _ ” Dirk said nothing, and Jane looked down, “It makes me a bad person, doesn’t it?” 

“Nah, just makes you sick of her shit.” 

Jane smiled and bit her lip, “I wish you had seen the look on her face when she first saw you. She acted as if I had been lying the entire time. As if I could possibly oversell you.” 

“I’m sure you could if you tried really, really hard.” 

“Not even then.” 

She rose up onto her tiptoes, and he leaned down to meet her at the lips. It was sweet and short, full of sugar and softness. His arms snaked around her middle, lifting her closer to him with a tiny squeak and a muffled giggle, before they pulled away from each other. 

“So, where are we?” 

“My old home,” Dirk gently set Jane back on her own feet, “I grew up here. I spent all of my childhood into my pre-teens under this roof before Dad decided it was time to move. My Nanna owns the house, you see. He wanted to strike out a bit, buy his own place with my mother, and raise me outside the bubble my family created. If not for him, I wouldn’t have met you, Roxy, and Jake. 

“Admittedly, it fell into somewhat of a state of disrepair since no one had lived in it for so long. When you agreed to come up here, I decided to call in a favor and have it restored. For us,” She smiled wistfully, “I really did miss this place. I tried to put it back the way I remembered, but I don’t think I got it quite right. I’m glad though. It gave me some room to change and customize to what I think we’d both like.” 

“Are you proposing on Christmas, Crocker? Cliche.” 

Jane laughed and shook her head, tossing her tight curls, “No! I just wanted to show you where we’d be staying while you’re up here! Unless you want to stay with Dave, John, Karkat, and Jade at their place,” Jane’s smiled deepened into something ridiculous, “Or we can stay at Nanna’s with her and Nora. They can both ogle you while one grows to hate you more and the other falls deeper in love and thinks of more ways to interrogate you.” 

“You’re Nanna did not interrogate me.” 

“Oh?” Jane was genuinely surprised, “That’s a first. Then we’ll definitely have to stay with her. She missed a golden opportunity, and she’ll be so sore that she can’t prank you.” 

Dirk breathed deep through his nose, suddenly loving the smell of paint and fresh decor, “I think I like this present better than the rest.” 

Jane laughed again. 

**Author's Note:**

> A few bullet points: 
> 
> -This fic is corny.  
> -I apologize for the original character, Nora, and her generic, two-dimensional role of the needy brat. I could not in good conscience use any of the girls from Homestuck to fill in this role, nor did it really come to mind as I was penning this.  
> -I also apologize for the extreme lack of Roxy and Rose. I promise I love them as much as I do the rest of the Homestuck children; I simply could not, and did not think to, fit them in. Such is the curse of writing without planning.  
> -I am incapable of sick burns.  
> -I promised myself I would not do a Christmas themed work (especially one so late after the fact) and here I am writing trash smelling of gingerbread, snow, and holly. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed!


End file.
